A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

 

I once had a t-shirt which defiantly announced the above. A shirt that I actually wore. It was a time in America when women were saying out loud what their mothers had always suspected. Of course, it wasn't completely true then, and men have come a long way since Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan forced the issue. Ever see those shows (think Dr. Phil) where they have a couple men do their wives' chores for a few days so they get an idea of what the poor thing goes through on a daily basis?  It always ends with the expected eye opening and it's all ha-ha very jovial. Well, I've tried the opposite approach to that theme here on the home front since my retirement, and I must say, it IS pretty funny. There was the time I practically electrocuted myself trying to change out a light fixture and finding out later from my super handy hubby that, "Jesus, you coulda burned the house down!" Then there was the day I decided to try out the new tractor/lawn mower. Why do they not put power steering on those things? Let me just say, I had to plant some grass seed after that gallant effort. There are some things that I have to do myself if I want them done at all, like when I changed the back splash in the kitchen. I learned on that job how to repair drywall by doing it and hoping to god I did it right. I truly believed that if I started on the kitchen, handy would step in and take over, but he's on to me in that regard and the task was all mine. It took weeks, but I got it done and actually sort of like it. The other day, I realized that the hideous groaning I sometimes hear in the basement is related to flushing the toilet on the first floor. Knowing nothing about the inner workings of a toilet, I armed myself with a picture of the inside of the tank and set out for the hardware store. I wasn't totally confident that the guy who helped me really knew what he was talking about, but I purchased his recommendation anyway since I had no recommendation of my own. As I was checking out, I saw on the receipt that I had bought a "korky flapper" and a "ball cock." I just had to laugh out loud. The woman at the checkout laughed along with me, saying that hardware has some really crazy names, most likely created by men. "At least you didn't need a nipple extractor," she said. I didn't even ask.